I was confronted with the presence and holiness of God long before I knew that Jesus had paid the price for all the things I was ashamed of and knew were wrong.
I didn’t know it was him. It was a glow so warm, strong and full of goodness. I knew I could not survive it, it was too good. I knew I would die if I had to endure that goodness any longer. So I pleaded with it to go away and it did.
It was during a moment of my life when I spent most days stoned on weed. One day I saw those planes fly into the world trade center and it was said they did that for God but it didn’t make sense to me. So I decided to ask God directly. Then the glory of God came and was everywhere around and in me and I couldn’t take it.
I did not know what or who it was at the time. After that I could’t smoke weed anymore. I had been having panic attacks and paranoia. Thoughts and revelations after that moment scared me. I couldn’t even smell a joint without a deep sense of dread rising within me. This is what stopped me from even wanting to continue smoking canabis.
It took another 7 years before I gave Jesus a chance and realised the price he had paid so that I could come into the presence of God and call him my father. Now whenever I am close to him he fills me with joy, brings healing, gives me strength and fills my heart and mind with peace.
That was not the case before I knew him. In that moment of first being submerged in his presence I was acutely aware of not being able to survive in his goodness. It was such a strong contrast to who I was and I couldn’t have survived that for long. So yes knowing God does fill us with joy once we accept that we need Jesus, that he was punished on our behalf so that through him we are able to stand and live in the presence of God.
Discover more from wordhopeart
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Hey there, would love to hear from you