How I came to know God!

I wasn’t always a believer in Jesus Christ. I thought I was a christian whenever I had to write it on a document, but I had no idea why that was necessary nor what it really meant, just that it was required I write something. I wasn’t aware of Jesus in any way, not even the connection to Christmas, except that in Switzerland children are told it’s the christchild who brings presents on christmas eve, (not father christmas or Santa). Now none of that has much to do with Jesus either but I wasnt even aware of that perception of Christianity. I was in a play at a catholic church when I was six or seven. I played a tree. Aside from that the only experiences I had with churches were dark tourist dotted buildings with strange statues, two funerals and a wedding. A very limited resource on which to build my idea of Christianity. It didn’t take much for me to think it was weird, a word here, someone hurt by ‘judgmental Christians’ there and I was under the impression it was best to stay well clear of them.

I didn’t connect Christianity to God either. I knew God was real. I saw that in films where people would get on their knees and pray. That was it. I didn’t think or know much else about it. Until I watched planes fly into buildings in the US in 2001. It made me wonder how a God, that was meant to be good, could possibly want someone to cause so much pain and devastation. At the time I wasn’t working and spent most days, all day, sat on a sofa smoking weed, hanging around till my boyfriend came home. So I wondered about God and knew that I could talk to him but I wanted answers. I got a pack of cards (Jass Karten) they have an Ace, king, Queen, Farmer and some numbers in four different colors. I decided that the Acorn King was a yes from God and started shuffling, whilst asking questions and when that card fell out, it was yes. I have no idea what I asked and know that it was totally incorrect to go about it in that way, but I didn’t know anything about theological correctness. I just did whatever sprang to mind.

I had gotten to the point (smoking weed) where paranoia and weird thoughts started to kick in. One night I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought I wouldn’t wake up again. I was fully convinced that I would die in my sleep and it petrified me. So I pleaded with God that he let me live. At some point during that time I was suddenly filled with a golden glow, it was all around me, it filled me completely and it was an overwhelming goodness that I can’t describe. It was so good that I couldn’t bare it, it was too much, I knew I couldn’t survive if it stayed any longer, so I told it to stop, to go away. I told it to go away!!! imagine that!!! God appears and you tell him to go away….

Unsure what to think of that, I put it on a shelf somewhere and continued doing life. Parties, Alcohol, weed. The odd thing was, that I wasn’t able to smoke weed without being tied up in dread and fear every time. I started thinking about the world, the solar system and understanding things that really scared me whenever I smoked weed, so soon I couldn’t bare it anymore and had to stop. I got married, moved to a larger flat, had a dog, friends, my hair was still in blonde dreads and I still drank a lot of alcohol. One friend told me her brother was a musician who sang about God. She gave me a CD and a bible. I even started reading it but soon stopped, annoyed that all it went on about was this Jesus, I thought he was full of himself. It didn’t help that the girl had a pill and alcohol addiction and wasn’t really someone I could take seriously, so God’s efforts to reach me went largely unnoticed, but they were there, he never gave up on me.

I saw more films that instilled in me a knowledge of the goodness of God and in the first book I wrote ‘Heavy reign’, part one of ‘the Layan Prophecy’ (still unpublished) I thought a bit more about what I wanted to believe. I still ridiculed Christians, although I didn’t know what they were about, or rather because I didn’t know. We had parties every weekend and one friend who often came told us about her church, trying to explain that it was fun but I couldn’t imagine it, the only image I had of church was dark, empty buildings and bible bashing Christians that tried to get people under some kind of control. So I ignored that. I liked her though.

Another friend I worked with who was from Ghana, Africa, invited my husband and I to her church and we actually went. It was amazing, people were joyful, dancing, lovely, sharing their food and love with us. I told my husband to put the last 20.- we had in the basket, (it wasn’t what God wanted from us and more in case someone was watching than for any other reason). On the way home we got caught without a bus ticket and fined 120.- Swiss Francs. It was the first time I was angry at God. We gave him all we had and this was the thanks we got. I wasn’t going to give him another chance too soon. Obviously not getting a ticket is stealing, it is sin, which gives the enemy a doorway to come in and attack. At that time there was ample opportunity for that and he didn’t want us getting any closer to God so he fed our anger at God and each other. We, well I, argued all the time.

It wasn’t until after I left and lived in my own place, that I started to think about Christianity again. It wasn’t in a good way either. I read the book by Dan Brown ‘The Da’Vinci Code’ and laughed at Christianity. At the same time though, I had donkey eared many pages of the book, because I wanted to check if what he said was in alignment with the bible. I never doubted that the bible was the truth! Thank you Dan Brown for getting me to think about God, Jesus, the bible and Christianity more than I ever had before.

I met the father of my children and when I got pregnant, we moved to the town where I worked in a bar. He wanted me to place a bible in the cot of our baby. I thought that was weird and refused. I continued to try to persuade him that Christianity wasn’t right, to me it seemed he just wanted to use it to control me, so I was having none of it. He had been to a gathering one day and driven home by a family who lived here. They invited us for a meal. There they talked about God, the bible and Jesus in a way that I had never experienced before.

I just knew that I had to continue going and learn more about it. It was so new and interesting to me and the love this family brought our way warmed up my cold, deprived heart so much that I knew it was good to keep going. They spent a lot of time and energy, a lot of prayers, fasting and love towards me so that I could give Jesus a chance in my life and get to know him for myself. It took a long time, a lot of distrust had to be built down, a lot of pain healed, sin conquered and trust needed to be built up. Jesus did it, he kept on providing, kept on showing me that he is real, that he is alive and that I can trust him to bring us through.

In all that has happened since, in everything I needed to trust him for, his protection, for his provision, for his guidance, he has never failed us. My life has been turned around for good in so many ways, he has given me purpose and value. He has given me, and my children, a new perspective, a healing beyond anything I was aware of needing, he has given us friendships, faith, hope, love. He has given us new life! He is awesome!

So happy new year and if you haven’t already I hope that you will take a closer look and get to know Jesus Christ for yourself instead of believing what others say. God bless.