Tired

So tired. Tired of the situation, stuck on socialmedia station. Tired of that as a whole in fact. Frustrated at the damage it does, to the youth, to all of us. Tired of fake scamming profiles. The need to communicate, just to chat, to evade deepening personal contact.

Pretensive scammers leaping on prey. Sceming, manipulative and slick as they sway. Out come my fangs. Claws ready to defend but that just makes things worse in the end. I have gone up to them before. Confrontational, it’s something I like to take a stand for. Now I have learned. It’s better not to argue. To give it to Jesus, try to stay calm. Fighting with peace, with a pen in my hand or down on my knees. Asking God to heal their land, praying for him to bless our enemies.

Still I find myself sliding into old habits. ‘A good man? There’s no such thing’ is what I used to think. I have since come to know I was wrong. I have seen many men well able to be as God has planned. Family men. Men of integrity. Honorable, gentle and kind. Still fun and exciting, men of stability. Men that know God, care about his will and earn their credibility.

But only one man is all that and more. He is the one who picks me up when I fall. When shame threatens to overwhelm me to the core, when fear or sin knocks on the door, he is the one who stands above it all. He is the one who binds a wounded heart and tells us we’ll be fine, that we are set apart. He is the one who heals. Awesome and beautiful things he reveals. He is the one. Jesus Christ our Lord.

With him I am awake, revitalized and at peace. With him I can forget yes even forgive. All the vile things I see as we try to just live. Even my fake friend who I had hoped to reach. That one is a wolf. A predator. I knew pretty fast that he was an imposter. So I tried to speak life. God wanted me to pray. And to be kind. Kind in what way?

Why should I be kind? To someone like that? Someone who deceives lonely hearts, just to chat. Then tries to rob them of whatever he can get! Lord, look at what he’s doing! It all amounts to nothing! I do not want to be kind! I don’t even want to pray for someone like that! Neither him nor the one he’s pretending to be! It shows where my heart was at. A judgemental attitude, not at all free.

I needed to deal with it, to forgive and overcome. Repeatedly the Holy Spirit persisted. He lovingly nudged me but I resisted. Until he had burdoned my heart, enough to convince me to start. Often waking me up to pray into their dark. God knew it was a problem, praying for someone like that. Now I sense some affection, it flows from the fathers heart. Maybe they shall be saved. Maybe not.

God loves them. Both of them. He tells me to be kind. To pray for the scammer, warlock or celebrity, wealthy and blind. I never had much affection for their kind. In awe of God’s patience and grace, I was able to put my judgmental, offended attitude in its place. Spending so much time for someone in prayer, is special, intense. As we become aware, of a whole new level of Spiritual warfare.

I grew to like them, whoever they are. The fake one was responding to my input and prayer with a grateful heart. I could sense a sincere core somewhere and hope he stops being fake, turns around, puts his trust in God and realises it all makes sense. I pray he will be a man of integrity. For God nothing is impossible, even for the rich and so lost celebrity. We all make mistakes! To soften a hardened heart is a credible ability, for Jesus who died for all our sakes and gives us salvation and sustains our stability.

Jesus, the only man able to meet the highest standards. The only one with whole integrity! All the others just struggling to get by. Struggling for success, to get liked and admired. We are all just tired. Tired of the stress, the games and manipulative unfairness. Tired of upholding protective measures whilst running after all the wrong treasures.

The wall of self defense, built on the streets, to survive and protect, life in suspence. Vultures circle, watching them thrive, waiting for the moment they drive the knife of self destruction deep and destroy their own life. Immune to the hatred, the talk and the bashing. The screeching demons pulling and slashing. Sidetracked by all the luring sin. Triggered, depressed by the mess they find themselves in.

Jesus is stronger. The darkness has to take flight, at the sight of his bright light. The unconditional love of God reassures the believer. Missgivings fall away, so must the deceiver. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus! He is the one who promises to deliver. He brings us out of darkness, we shall not be afraid. He is steadfast and will not be swayed. We may be tired but the anger gives way. The fear dissappears as we are reassured. He is here to stay. We know he will bring us through, for his mercies are new every day!